(Source: only-shadows-comfort-me)
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DISTURBED ANGEL
I.Am.Not.Hungry. I.Am.Not.Hungry. I.Am.Not.Hungry. Maybe if I repeat it enough times, the sharp pain of hunger in my stomach will disappear.
I watch, eyes wide open, as my hand reaches out and opens the freezer door. I swing it open to reveal the deliciousfoods poisons that lie inside.
I.Am.Not.Hungry. I.Am.Not.Hungry. I.Am.Not.Hungry. I don’t need it, the ice cream (one scoop = 200), microwave pizza (210). The bag of frozen broccoli looks disgusting (135). Meat? I can’t eat those. No animal needs to die so I can be fat. I can't want it. I can't have it. Control.Is.Good.
My eyes focuses on a colorful plastic material on the side of the freezer. The WATER POPSICLES, glowing with perfection, standing out against the now fading background offoods enemies. Zero.Calories. No.Fat.
I take it in my hand, allowing my other one to reach out and slam the door shut. Closing the door to my own personal hell.
I wish someone would come and untangle me before it's too late.
Empty. Lonely. Hungry. 22. Female. ED-NOS (SBN). - Let's Talk? xx
I watch, eyes wide open, as my hand reaches out and opens the freezer door. I swing it open to reveal the delicious
I.Am.Not.Hungry. I.Am.Not.Hungry. I.Am.Not.Hungry. I don’t need it, the ice cream (one scoop = 200), microwave pizza (210). The bag of frozen broccoli looks disgusting (135). Meat? I can’t eat those. No animal needs to die so I can be fat. I can't want it. I can't have it. Control.Is.Good.
My eyes focuses on a colorful plastic material on the side of the freezer. The WATER POPSICLES, glowing with perfection, standing out against the now fading background of
I take it in my hand, allowing my other one to reach out and slam the door shut. Closing the door to my own personal hell.
I wish someone would come and untangle me before it's too late.
Empty. Lonely. Hungry. 22. Female. ED-NOS (SBN). - Let's Talk? xx
~ Tuesday, May 29 ~
Thoughts inside my head when I'm eating:
- Hunger: Please eat something!
- Eating disorder: No. You're fat. You don't deserve food.
- Hunger: Just one bite.
- Me: I'll just have one bite. It will be fine.
- *takes a bite*
- Eating disorder: Now you've done it. Look how weak you are. See how fat you are.
- Hunger: Eating disorder already hates you, but I'm still hungry, keep eating!
- Me: I guess I might as well...
- *eats like a pig*
- Hunger: I'm stuffed. Hmm maybe I wasn't necessary after all.
- Eating disorder: You.Fucking.Whale. You better get rid of everything you've eaten. Don't forget to feel guilty and ashamed while you're at it.
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~ Monday, May 28 ~
